I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
