Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
