You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
drinking out of a sandbucket again
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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