i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
