the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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