awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
