Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
