Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
