my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Alive.
So much puke
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
