I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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