I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
