He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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