im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
