a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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