Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
