hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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