So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
