Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
