He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
