i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
where am i from again
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
