I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
