she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
