We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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