Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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