I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
