yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
