the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
