Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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