I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
