Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
