My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
time to smoke my breakfast
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
