dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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