Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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