It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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