you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
