last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
