she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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