dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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