so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
