You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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