I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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