Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
