She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
