You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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