Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
