Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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