She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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