Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
