sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
