Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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