when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
